I can't believe I haven't posted on here since March..

I'd like to say that it's because I've been ever so busy, but looking back, I'm sure I haven't done that much. I'm now back at home in Yorkshire, after successfully completing my second of three years at university, and it's been the best year. I finished the year with a surprising 2:1 grade and so look forward to maintaining/ improving upon this after the summer. The terrifying thing is that this year actually counts. But hey, it's only my whole life that it's going to impact.

I'm home without any real plans for the summer, after having no luck with countless job applications and a rapidly decreasing overdraft. A few day trips here and there (that I definitely can't afford) and a view to improving my artistic skills in hope of smashing my degree. Lets see how I get on, ey.

Parallel state of dissatisfaction.

Well I am baffled with my current discontent. I find myself in a situation completely parallel to this time last year in that: I would actually rather be at uni instead of home. For me, this is huge. I don't know what's come over me (apart from lust, independence and a lack of requirement to actually go home)..

This is not like me. Last year all I wanted to do, come the weekend, was escape back up North. Back to home cooked meals and the comfort of my own house. Literally so much has changed since then that I can't even comprehend it myself. In terms of changes, we're talking several romantic exploits, a breakdown of communication within the family and a complete change of heart regarding what I actually want to gain from my chosen degree.

1. Romantic exploits: I'm not going there, this is my blog, not Cosmo. You will however find me lusting all over the place when I'm at uni. Things are good.
2. Communication breakdown: Again, I shan't go into too much detail, it wouldn't be right. I can say though that in the weird arena that is my family, a good 70% of members are not in regular contact (or speaking at all). As much as this baffles me, I am not really in a position to do anything about it. I guess being away from home puts me in the neutral camp, thank goodness, I hate taking sides.
3. Degree: As much as I hate the weekly breakdown consisting of, "oh my god, why have I chosen such a stupid career, I'm not cut out for this, etc, etc" I'm actually really enjoying my degree for the first time (not that I'd admit that to my friends or myself-- wait-- oops). Hey, it's alright I guess.

I guess a big factor to this whole change in me is that essentially; I'm not sure I feel at home, at home anymore. (are you keeping up?) When I am at home, I'm counting down the days until I go back to Nottingham, which is quite frustrating as I hate to feel as if I'm wishing the time away. All I really come home for anymore is to see my dad, and that's really only because I feel guilty that he's on his own all the time.

I like having my independence now, as terrifying as I find it sometimes. I like being able to have guests round to my house at any hour without having to answer to anyone (except Miss 21 Question Lawton, my housemate! But I don't mind that at all).

I just get bored at home, god knows what I'm gonna do when I finish this degree and I actually have to get a real job..

Friendship should be effortless.

"Best friends" is a term that is thrown around a lot, often far too easily. I myself, am guilty of attaching the term to my friends fairly quickly. I suppose this is because I am quite an open person when it comes to making friends, although actually, I try to deny this.

I regularly say "I dislike people before I like them" which is true enough. I often approach new social situations with my guard completely up, unless something has indicated that I should act otherwise; i.e. I've already been given a good impression of the person who I might usually approach cautiously.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about friendship, and what determines whether or not I call someone "a friend". Some people hate using the term "best friends" as they feel it's exclusive and uneccessary; fair enough. Personally, I've always had someone who I call "my best friend" although there's usually two or three people to whom I attach this title at a time. For example, there are always two or three people from my past for whom the phrase "best friend" will always be attached, just because I've known them for so long, we've experienced so much together and I'll always make time to see them. (I refer to Jonny, Henry & Helen) I wasn't going to name names, but it's my blog, I'll do what I like!

Myself, Henry & Jonny.

 

Here at uni, I've been having a bit of a moral dilemma RE: defining friendship. I have several people here who I'd happily class as "best friends," but of course, you always have favourites. And I totally understand that you go through different phases, friends come and go dependent on your interests and attitudes, your physical location and sometimes, dependent on how much you actually have in common.

I've recently come to a definite conclusion though; a friendship works both ways, it shouldn't be one sided. It shouldn't be a case of being friends when it suits one person, or one person making all the effort to arrange things. A friendship should be effortless.

One obstacle, I've discovered recently, is finding out that you don't have that much in common that you thought you did. That's something that really chips away at a friendship and there's sadly not a lot that you can do about it. It's worse when one half of the duo doesn't realise this and so the other half starts to feel bitterness towards the whole friendship. It's a funny old situation to be in. Not nice at all, actually.

Distance is another massive contributor to dampening a friendship, this I've found though, ties in with how much effort each person is willing to put into maintaining the relationship. My best friend from college falls into this category; we were literally inseperable. Then university comes along (aswell as boyfriends) and the whole thing falls apart. Thanks distance, you bitch.

There are friends who you know you can rely on and friends you think you can rely on until they massively let you down. Needless to say, I've encountered one or two of these, too!

HOWEVER! AS MUCH AS I MAY SEEM LIKE A WHINEY BITCH, I DO HAVE SOME EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD FRIENDS.

Clockwise: Alec, Charlotte, Chester, Abi & Me.

 

This bunch here are amazing and literally, they are my favourite people here in Nottingham. Alec, because he's painfully honest! Charlotte, because you literally can't get nicer (or sassier). Chester, well, just because he's Chester and he's a badass. Then there's Abi, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY SEXY WIFE! But seriously, she's a genuinely excellent person. These people improve my whole life and I don't know how I've come so far along without them; I certainly can't imagine them not being a part of me now.

I'm writing this at the end of my second term of my second year at university. This has been the best term yet and I'm having the most amazing time here, all because of this lot. I love them dearly.



 

Sophie & Char.

(People that I know are definitely going to read this and relate it to themselves.. my bad.. Also don't be pissed if you didn't get a mention, you muppets, that's not what this is for..)



20 Random Facts about myself.

My friend Helen did one of these today and I found it pretty entertaining (I get a cheeky mention) so I thought I'd do one for myself. I'm also procrastinating. Enjoy!

1. I love dogs. I used to have two collies a long time ago. Now I'm painfully envious of all dog owners and can't wait to have one of my own.

2. I love photography. I love taking pictures and I'm always the one holding everyone up by lurking behind to take a photo of something. I particularly like composition and I have most experience in landscape photography.

3. I'm from Yorkshire and I'm fiercely proud of it! I think moving away to university really made me appreciative of my roots and I love visiting home.

4. I absolutely adore The Killers. They are my favourite band by miles and everyone who knows me, knows it! I've been luckily enough to see them twice, both times are highly regarded as two of the best days of my life. They're an amazing live band. I also really like The Black Keys.

5. I'm extremely attracted to young Mick Jagger. Also, comparisons have been drawn between mine and his lips!

6. I love traveling but I don't do it nearly enough; I haven't even left Europe! Road trips are amongst my favourite things to do and I hope to travel across America, Canada and Australia sometime fairly soon! (A girl can dream!)

7. I don't like spicy food. My mouth is totally intolerable towards any spice! I'd rather have something rich in flavour rather than burn my mouth out.

8. I couldn't be a vegetarian although I barely eat meat whilst at uni. I love a Sunday roast when I'm at home and also BACON.

9. I've always had something against women in bands. I think it stems from a jealousy thing and there are very few female performers I like. In life aswell, I've always got on with boys better than girls.

10. I have a fairly solid bunch of friends but also various friends dotted all over the place. At uni there are only 40 people on our course and I regularly socialize in a group of about 6-10 of them. They're all mad.

11. I've been an auntie since I was seven years old. I have two sisters; three nephews and two nieces.

12. I wish I'd been taught to play an instrument when I was younger. I love music and I have few friends in bands; I just wish I had some contribution I guess. I want to play synth!

13. I'm fascinated by accents. I can't help but imitate this around me if they speak differently to me.

14. I don't like Sundays! I find them so depressing, probably following years of dread that it was the last day before going back to school!

15. If I'm sharing a bed with someone, I can never be the first to fall asleep. I think it's all related to anxiety and self awareness. It also means though that I tend to have to put up with someone else snoring as I'm at the stage of falling asleep.

16. I'm very protective of those around me. Recently my friend's drink was spiked and I had to look after him. I found it really scary but most of all I was angry that it'd happened and I hadn't been able to stop it. Another of my friends was recently hit in the face; I was fuming! If I'd been there I don't know what I'd have done!

17. My fruit of choice is banana! I love bananas and I could eat them endlessly (if it wasn't dangerous to overdose on potassium!) I love them with bran flakes, on toast, in sandwiches, on pancakes...

18. I like a drink, cocktails are my favourite, but I just don't see the point in drugs. I sound so square! I just don't get it. Also, I have far too much of a paranoid personality for weed.

19. I want to be one of Derren Brown's projects. I find him fascinating and I just think he's a generally lovely, clever person.

20. I can't resist a man in a suit. Sharp and fitted? Good shoes? Damn.

Clockwise, starting top left:
1. Two of my nephews (Jack & Charlie) being cheeky, 2. Erin, Jack & Joshua, 3. The Killers, 4. A bunch of my coursemates, 5. A picture I took in Blackpool last summer, 6. Mick Jagger and his luscious lips, 7. Jonny & Henry, two of my closest friends from home, 8. Neither me or Brandon could evidently be veggie, 10. My lovely Abi; I'm enjoying a cocktail.

 



I do ever so hope you found this insightful and interesting!

Feels like home.

So the second year of my degree is well underway now and already I feel much more settled than I felt for the whole of last year. Now, instead of living in what was pretty much a glass box of student flats, all looking in on each other like some sort of weird, 24 hour peep show, I actually live in a house. My own house. A house I share with 4 other (relatively) normal people.

It's a million times better than living in halls, and my halls were genuinely one of the best accomodations you could've lived in. It's just not the same as having your own house though. In halls, it's not really your space, no matter how many posters and photos you put up. Each room is the same. Each room is a standard box. My house though, has character and charm.

We're living in an old victorian property in, what i'm sure was once upon a time, a nice area of Nottingham. Okay so, the area's a bit dodgy, but what do you expect in student housing? I won't mention that we live next door to two recovering alcoholics, or that we live opposite the drug & drink rehabilitation centre. No, I definitely won't mention that.

None of that matters though. Inside my house I feel safe. I can shut out the world and be alone in my own space. In my case, my own space (or my bedroom) is the largest in the house. We're talking BIG. I have the front, first floor bedroom that stretches the width of the house. This room couldn't be any further away from the glasshouse, impersonal, typified student box that I inhabited last year. This room has character and feels well lived in. It has a wood floor and a high ceiling, along with my bay window that comfortably houses a sofa. I have a huge, well worn desk, perfect for me- what with my painting and model making. And of course, the essential double bed.

I love my room. I love my house. I generally just love being able to come home to my own house and spend time with people in who's company I feel totally comfortable. The essential difference from last years accomodation is that this place actually feels like home. (when we can afford to put the heating on, anyway).

 



Yorkshire wellies.

Made myself a mobile from old 80's records.

 



My pet plant, considering calling it Norman.

My prized 80's records.