Parallel state of dissatisfaction.

Well I am baffled with my current discontent. I find myself in a situation completely parallel to this time last year in that: I would actually rather be at uni instead of home. For me, this is huge. I don't know what's come over me (apart from lust, independence and a lack of requirement to actually go home)..

This is not like me. Last year all I wanted to do, come the weekend, was escape back up North. Back to home cooked meals and the comfort of my own house. Literally so much has changed since then that I can't even comprehend it myself. In terms of changes, we're talking several romantic exploits, a breakdown of communication within the family and a complete change of heart regarding what I actually want to gain from my chosen degree.

1. Romantic exploits: I'm not going there, this is my blog, not Cosmo. You will however find me lusting all over the place when I'm at uni. Things are good.
2. Communication breakdown: Again, I shan't go into too much detail, it wouldn't be right. I can say though that in the weird arena that is my family, a good 70% of members are not in regular contact (or speaking at all). As much as this baffles me, I am not really in a position to do anything about it. I guess being away from home puts me in the neutral camp, thank goodness, I hate taking sides.
3. Degree: As much as I hate the weekly breakdown consisting of, "oh my god, why have I chosen such a stupid career, I'm not cut out for this, etc, etc" I'm actually really enjoying my degree for the first time (not that I'd admit that to my friends or myself-- wait-- oops). Hey, it's alright I guess.

I guess a big factor to this whole change in me is that essentially; I'm not sure I feel at home, at home anymore. (are you keeping up?) When I am at home, I'm counting down the days until I go back to Nottingham, which is quite frustrating as I hate to feel as if I'm wishing the time away. All I really come home for anymore is to see my dad, and that's really only because I feel guilty that he's on his own all the time.

I like having my independence now, as terrifying as I find it sometimes. I like being able to have guests round to my house at any hour without having to answer to anyone (except Miss 21 Question Lawton, my housemate! But I don't mind that at all).

I just get bored at home, god knows what I'm gonna do when I finish this degree and I actually have to get a real job..

Feels like home.

So the second year of my degree is well underway now and already I feel much more settled than I felt for the whole of last year. Now, instead of living in what was pretty much a glass box of student flats, all looking in on each other like some sort of weird, 24 hour peep show, I actually live in a house. My own house. A house I share with 4 other (relatively) normal people.

It's a million times better than living in halls, and my halls were genuinely one of the best accomodations you could've lived in. It's just not the same as having your own house though. In halls, it's not really your space, no matter how many posters and photos you put up. Each room is the same. Each room is a standard box. My house though, has character and charm.

We're living in an old victorian property in, what i'm sure was once upon a time, a nice area of Nottingham. Okay so, the area's a bit dodgy, but what do you expect in student housing? I won't mention that we live next door to two recovering alcoholics, or that we live opposite the drug & drink rehabilitation centre. No, I definitely won't mention that.

None of that matters though. Inside my house I feel safe. I can shut out the world and be alone in my own space. In my case, my own space (or my bedroom) is the largest in the house. We're talking BIG. I have the front, first floor bedroom that stretches the width of the house. This room couldn't be any further away from the glasshouse, impersonal, typified student box that I inhabited last year. This room has character and feels well lived in. It has a wood floor and a high ceiling, along with my bay window that comfortably houses a sofa. I have a huge, well worn desk, perfect for me- what with my painting and model making. And of course, the essential double bed.

I love my room. I love my house. I generally just love being able to come home to my own house and spend time with people in who's company I feel totally comfortable. The essential difference from last years accomodation is that this place actually feels like home. (when we can afford to put the heating on, anyway).

 



Yorkshire wellies.

Made myself a mobile from old 80's records.

 



My pet plant, considering calling it Norman.

My prized 80's records.