Let me fill you in

So, MARCH.
I guess all sorts has occurred since then, really. I'll keep it brief!

• Friends
  Most of my friends are great, of course there are always those few that seem to fizzle out and gradually disappear, but for the most part, I have some good'uns.
  
• Lovelife
  There's a man on the scene. All I'll say is, it's not Facebook official!
  
• Birthday
  I am now 20. It's a pretty big deal. Now my niece is 0, my nephew 10, me 20 and my sister 30. OOH! Had a cracking 80's themed birthday party, totally made amazing by the effort people put into fancy dress. Received some excellent handmade gifts/ cards as well!
  
• Holiday
  Had a lovely trip to Lanzarote at the start of June with my dad and best friend from uni, Abi. It was extremely windy and sometimes a bit windy, but luckily we consumed enough cheap sangria/ cocktails to not care too much. The food was phenomenal, I don't think I've ever eaten so much in the space of 10 days.
  
• Family
  In February we had a new arrival, baby Holly. She's gorgeous, a proper smiler with a little chubby head (I can relate, I was a real chud of an infant). Otherwise though, current family relations are strained again, with several parties not in contact, which y'know, just makes you feel great.
  
• Summer
  Currently in my 7th week of the summer holidays and a little bored to say the least. Annoyed at the lack of job prospects and frustrated that many of my friends live either on the the other side of town (which is proving troublesome when you don't really have anywhere to stay) OR they live down South. Or y'know, are out of the country and totally unreachable!
  
• Plans
  All I've really got are some vague visits planned to friends across the country, that could or couldn't happen. I also really need to pass my driving test this year- I'm working on it, but funds could soon see that stunted again. I have some professional bits and bobs to design/ create before going back to uni, i.e. website and business cards, as well as some deep research into the topics I want to design for AND a dissertation topic. It's all just hitting me that this year actually counts, which is a bit scary.

Parallel state of dissatisfaction.

Well I am baffled with my current discontent. I find myself in a situation completely parallel to this time last year in that: I would actually rather be at uni instead of home. For me, this is huge. I don't know what's come over me (apart from lust, independence and a lack of requirement to actually go home)..

This is not like me. Last year all I wanted to do, come the weekend, was escape back up North. Back to home cooked meals and the comfort of my own house. Literally so much has changed since then that I can't even comprehend it myself. In terms of changes, we're talking several romantic exploits, a breakdown of communication within the family and a complete change of heart regarding what I actually want to gain from my chosen degree.

1. Romantic exploits: I'm not going there, this is my blog, not Cosmo. You will however find me lusting all over the place when I'm at uni. Things are good.
2. Communication breakdown: Again, I shan't go into too much detail, it wouldn't be right. I can say though that in the weird arena that is my family, a good 70% of members are not in regular contact (or speaking at all). As much as this baffles me, I am not really in a position to do anything about it. I guess being away from home puts me in the neutral camp, thank goodness, I hate taking sides.
3. Degree: As much as I hate the weekly breakdown consisting of, "oh my god, why have I chosen such a stupid career, I'm not cut out for this, etc, etc" I'm actually really enjoying my degree for the first time (not that I'd admit that to my friends or myself-- wait-- oops). Hey, it's alright I guess.

I guess a big factor to this whole change in me is that essentially; I'm not sure I feel at home, at home anymore. (are you keeping up?) When I am at home, I'm counting down the days until I go back to Nottingham, which is quite frustrating as I hate to feel as if I'm wishing the time away. All I really come home for anymore is to see my dad, and that's really only because I feel guilty that he's on his own all the time.

I like having my independence now, as terrifying as I find it sometimes. I like being able to have guests round to my house at any hour without having to answer to anyone (except Miss 21 Question Lawton, my housemate! But I don't mind that at all).

I just get bored at home, god knows what I'm gonna do when I finish this degree and I actually have to get a real job..

Friendship should be effortless.

"Best friends" is a term that is thrown around a lot, often far too easily. I myself, am guilty of attaching the term to my friends fairly quickly. I suppose this is because I am quite an open person when it comes to making friends, although actually, I try to deny this.

I regularly say "I dislike people before I like them" which is true enough. I often approach new social situations with my guard completely up, unless something has indicated that I should act otherwise; i.e. I've already been given a good impression of the person who I might usually approach cautiously.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about friendship, and what determines whether or not I call someone "a friend". Some people hate using the term "best friends" as they feel it's exclusive and uneccessary; fair enough. Personally, I've always had someone who I call "my best friend" although there's usually two or three people to whom I attach this title at a time. For example, there are always two or three people from my past for whom the phrase "best friend" will always be attached, just because I've known them for so long, we've experienced so much together and I'll always make time to see them. (I refer to Jonny, Henry & Helen) I wasn't going to name names, but it's my blog, I'll do what I like!

Myself, Henry & Jonny.

 

Here at uni, I've been having a bit of a moral dilemma RE: defining friendship. I have several people here who I'd happily class as "best friends," but of course, you always have favourites. And I totally understand that you go through different phases, friends come and go dependent on your interests and attitudes, your physical location and sometimes, dependent on how much you actually have in common.

I've recently come to a definite conclusion though; a friendship works both ways, it shouldn't be one sided. It shouldn't be a case of being friends when it suits one person, or one person making all the effort to arrange things. A friendship should be effortless.

One obstacle, I've discovered recently, is finding out that you don't have that much in common that you thought you did. That's something that really chips away at a friendship and there's sadly not a lot that you can do about it. It's worse when one half of the duo doesn't realise this and so the other half starts to feel bitterness towards the whole friendship. It's a funny old situation to be in. Not nice at all, actually.

Distance is another massive contributor to dampening a friendship, this I've found though, ties in with how much effort each person is willing to put into maintaining the relationship. My best friend from college falls into this category; we were literally inseperable. Then university comes along (aswell as boyfriends) and the whole thing falls apart. Thanks distance, you bitch.

There are friends who you know you can rely on and friends you think you can rely on until they massively let you down. Needless to say, I've encountered one or two of these, too!

HOWEVER! AS MUCH AS I MAY SEEM LIKE A WHINEY BITCH, I DO HAVE SOME EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD FRIENDS.

Clockwise: Alec, Charlotte, Chester, Abi & Me.

 

This bunch here are amazing and literally, they are my favourite people here in Nottingham. Alec, because he's painfully honest! Charlotte, because you literally can't get nicer (or sassier). Chester, well, just because he's Chester and he's a badass. Then there's Abi, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY SEXY WIFE! But seriously, she's a genuinely excellent person. These people improve my whole life and I don't know how I've come so far along without them; I certainly can't imagine them not being a part of me now.

I'm writing this at the end of my second term of my second year at university. This has been the best term yet and I'm having the most amazing time here, all because of this lot. I love them dearly.



 

Sophie & Char.

(People that I know are definitely going to read this and relate it to themselves.. my bad.. Also don't be pissed if you didn't get a mention, you muppets, that's not what this is for..)